I recently heard from a wife who was reeling from the realization that her husband truly had an emotional affair. Apparently, the wife had suspected something inappropriate between her husband and a coworker for some time, but the husband always told the wife that she was imagining things and "being ridiculous." But, the wife recently learned that her suspicions YourLatinMates.com review were not so ridiculous after all. She found some emails and texts between the two of them which very obviously showed a relationship and a connection.
Needless to say, the wife
immediately confronted the husband with proof in hand. The husband finally
relented that the two had "some sort of an emotional connection," but
then kept swearing that "nothing happened." The wife took this to
mean that nothing physical happened, meaning there was no sex.
However, the whole "nothing
happened" argument just didn't cut it with the wife. First of all, she
wasn't sure if she even believed this. But also, she was just as hurt by the
emotional betrayal as she suspected she would have been if there had been an
actual physical betrayal. TripTogether She said, in part: "those emails and texts tore
me up inside. He was loving and supportive of her in the way that he used to be
toward me when we first got married. He seemed so sweet and caring in ways that
he hasn't acted toward me in a very long time. If this isn't an affair and
cheating, I don't know what is."
The wife's feelings were not at all
uncommon. I hear from a lot of wives in this situation and the majority feel
that emotional cheating is still cheating even when the husband swears that
"nothing happened." Many see the emotional betrayal every bit as
hurtful as a physical one.
Men in this situation, however,
don't always see it this way. I hear from them sometimes also and they
sometimes see this as a huge distinction. They do not understand why, if they
did not physically cheat, they are being treated as though they did. Sometimes,
I'm able to make them understand by turning the tables and asking them how they
would feel if their wife had an "emotional" connection with another
man. Sometimes AnastasiaDate.com review this rings
a bell with them and sometimes it doesn't. But, there is no question in my mind
that husbands and wives see this issue quite differently.
So where does this leave the wives
whose husbands had an emotional affair? My take on this is that the healing
process is generally the same as it would be if the affair was a physical one.
Because at the end of the day, the emotional cheating is often carried out in
exactly the same way - in secret and in betrayal of a spouse. And there's no
question that the husbands in this scenario were seeking emotional support from
a place where they should not have been. I often tell husbands that if they are
doing something that they wouldn't do with their wife standing over their
shoulder, then tells them it's inappropriate, hurtful, and plain wrong.
In truth, I believe that, deep in
their hearts, most husbands know that the emotional affair is wrong, which is
why they don't usually do it openly. But, many will try to justify it with the
"nothing happened" excuse. If this is your scenario, you will
sometimes have to be very direct about the fact that you see this as cheating
or an affair, period. This will sometimes at least slow his "nothing
happened" argument and allow him to see that he may as well stop using it
and deal with the issue at hand.
With that said, healing from both
physical and emotional affairs are certainly possible. And, the steps for both
are quite similar. You'll want to figure out why this betrayal happened, place
some safeguards in place, and begin to rebuild the marriage and the closeness,
if this is what you chose to do. My take on this may be because I'm a woman who
has dealt with infidelity but it's my opinion that the core issue isn't whether
anything physical happened, it's whether a betrayal took place and whether or
not it can be fixed.
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